topics of interest

My Personal Testimony and Narcissism

I was raised in an emotionally abusive alcoholic home in rural Saskatchewan, which is a province in the country of Canada.  My dad was incapable of forming a loving relationship with his children.  He was very distant emotionally.  I have almost no recollection of him at all during my early growing years though he was a farmer and worked right at the home site.   I experienced severe trauma during my early teen years when we moved as a family to the city of Brandon in the province of Manitoba.  My self-esteem was trampled and destroyed during this period by my school aged peers.  My sister, cousin and myself endured a great betrayal by our grandfather in our early teen years through sexual fondling and other sexual abuse that he acted on.  He groomed his granddaughters for sexual abuse by establishing a play-based devoted grandfather persona.   Shortly after this time my sister and I experienced neglect in care from our mother who chose the pursuit of a new husband over her children after a divorce from my father.  We were largely on our own day by day during this time.  My recollection is that she arrived home on Saturday mornings to take us out grocery shopping.  She mostly stayed somewhere else during the week.  My sister was 16 and I was 14 years old.  We moved to the province of Alberta due to one of these new relationships that my mother had taken up with an abusive man.  In high school at the age of 18 years old I met my future husband .  He was a covert toxic narcissist who nearly destroyed me during our thirty- plus years of marriage. I ended up with severe sleep problems, depression and anxiety, extremely low self-esteem, severe fatigue, and intellectual and emotional savagery.  My two children were also emotionally hurt during this time and it wreaks havoc on my relationship with them today even after being divorced from my husband for fifteen years.  Narcissism often gets passed on to the children who then side with the supposed victor in this inevitable failed marriage relationship.  I am a single older woman who has endured a divorce process of over 6 years with the narcissist that caused a severe burnout for me.  I have also experienced severe injury through complications of gallbladder surgery, a broken foot from a workplace accident,  and severe side effects from medication which brought on a Eustachian tube disorder with atypical hearing, and an immune system disorder.  I was out of the workforce for twenty plus years while raising our children and my job success while trying to recover emotionally as I went through a nasty divorce is sketchy.    All spousal support from my former husband ended four years ago.   I currently do yearly contract work with no medical, dental or sick benefits provided through my employment.

I am giving this testimony of my life’s difficulties to say that Jesus Christ has been more than enough to meet and overcome these problems.   I was saved or born again spiritually when I was 28 years old.  Since then I have lived a good life even though I have experienced trials in my life.  I can give several testimonies of how God worked with me and helped me during my difficult times .  I have a certain internal joy today and hope for the future.  I endeavor to live for Christ and this has made a tremendous difference in my life.  I see Christ’s provision for me year by year.  He is my help, my strong tower, and my fortress, in the time of my need.  He is so faithful and good to me and I am very grateful.  I cannot thank Him enough.  He is my all in all.  My life without Him would be a sorry mess indeed.



The repercussions of Sin

Can we  really sin and not have future or immediate consequences in ourselves?  Not according to the Scriptures.  Sexual immorality causes us to sin against our own bodies, the Bible says.  We join ourselves to others in the sexual act and become one with them.  What happens when we have multiple sexual partners outside of marriage or monogamy?  That is the question that we don’t really know about until the judgment time, and there is certainly a judgment time coming.  This judgment time is talked about many times in the New Testament.  We are going to be judged according to our deeds in the flesh.

Some Christians say we don’t have to worry about this because grace will cover our sin in God’s eyes.  The Bible does not teach this exclusively.  Grace is a truth, but judgment for sin is also a truth in the Bible.   These two truths are reconciled by rightly dividing the word of truth.  We understand that there is grace to cover our sin, and we understand that we have the tools to conquer our sin in Christ.  We must understand that we are required to overcome sin in our lives through the power and the enablement of the Holy Spirit.  We need to call on God for this provision and for the courage to acknowledge and fight our sin (s).  Grace is what is provided by God in the interim period in this fight for victory over sin, personally and corporately.

We have a situation in North America where we disallow the reality of demons and the devil.  In the book of Luke we read of demons causing havoc in the physical bodies of people.  Convulsions, insanity, deaf and mute demons, legions of demonic entities found living in some people at the time of Jesus.  This is so foreign to us that we cannot even go there in our minds.  In  these biblical accounts the demons exercise a good amount of control over the people affected.  They required deliverance and freedom from demons that is  provided through a miracle done by Jesus.

We cannot engage the culture of our day recklessly.  There needs to be an extreme caution as to what we do and what we accept into our lives.   We cannot sin knowingly as Christians.  This will be a sure condemnation in ourselves.  The Bible says that once we have known Jesus and we delve into sin for some supposed benefit there may not be any more sacrifice for sins available to us.  What does this mean?  A sure judgement, and a sure penalty, perhaps for an eternity.