I was raised in an emotionally abusive alcoholic home in rural Saskatchewan, which is a province in the country of Canada. My dad was incapable of forming a loving relationship with his children. He was very distant emotionally. I have almost no recollection of him at all during my early growing years though he was a farmer and worked right at the home site. I experienced severe trauma during my early teen years when we moved as a family to the city of Brandon in the province of Manitoba. My self-esteem was trampled and destroyed during this period by my school aged peers. My sister, cousin and myself endured a great betrayal by our grandfather in our early teen years through sexual fondling and other sexual abuse that he acted on. He groomed his granddaughters for sexual abuse by establishing a play-based devoted grandfather persona. Shortly after this time my sister and I experienced neglect in care from our mother who chose the pursuit of a new husband over her children after a divorce from my father. We were largely on our own day by day during this time. My recollection is that she arrived home on Saturday mornings to take us out grocery shopping. She mostly stayed somewhere else during the week. My sister was 16 and I was 14 years old. We moved to the province of Alberta due to one of these new relationships that my mother had taken up with an abusive man. In high school at the age of 18 years old I met my future husband . He was a covert toxic narcissist who nearly destroyed me during our thirty- plus years of marriage. I ended up with severe sleep problems, depression and anxiety, extremely low self-esteem, severe fatigue, and intellectual and emotional savagery. My two children were also emotionally hurt during this time and it wreaks havoc on my relationship with them today even after being divorced from my husband for fifteen years. Narcissism often gets passed on to the children who then side with the supposed victor in this inevitable failed marriage relationship. I am a single older woman who has endured a divorce process of over 6 years with the narcissist that caused a severe burnout for me. I have also experienced severe injury through complications of gallbladder surgery, a broken foot from a workplace accident, and severe side effects from medication which brought on a Eustachian tube disorder with atypical hearing, and an immune system disorder. I was out of the workforce for twenty plus years while raising our children and my job success while trying to recover emotionally as I went through a nasty divorce is sketchy. All spousal support from my former husband ended four years ago. I currently do yearly contract work with no medical, dental or sick benefits provided through my employment.
I am giving this testimony of my life’s difficulties to say that Jesus Christ has been more than enough to meet and overcome these problems. I was saved or born again spiritually when I was 28 years old. Since then I have lived a good life even though I have experienced trials in my life. I can give several testimonies of how God worked with me and helped me during my difficult times . I have a certain internal joy today and hope for the future. I endeavor to live for Christ and this has made a tremendous difference in my life. I see Christ’s provision for me year by year. He is my help, my strong tower, and my fortress, in the time of my need. He is so faithful and good to me and I am very grateful. I cannot thank Him enough. He is my all in all. My life without Him would be a sorry mess indeed.